Are You Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns? Let’s Talk Shadow Work.

So, here’s the thing. Sometimes life has this really fun (read: maddening) way of handing us the same situation over and over again, like a cosmic rerun. And sure, we’d love to believe that this time, it’s different. But then—whoops—déjà vu. The faces change, the setting is new, but somehow, we’re back in the same emotional pickle.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?”—congrats, you’re human! Also, it might be time to talk about shadow work, which sounds a little spooky but is really just a fancy way of saying: Let’s get real with ourselves.

The Plot Twist You Didn’t Ask For

You meet someone. It’s good, maybe even great. Then, they start hanging out with people who make your spirit go, “Mmm… nope.” You don’t forbid it, you don’t throw ultimatums, but you do push them—gently, maybe not-so-gently—to reflect. And then? Distance. Disconnection. Resentment. They become someone different, and the relationship starts to unravel.

Sound familiar?

And now, here you are again. New person, same situation. Same deep discomfort. The universe is practically waving a neon sign in your face saying, “There’s a lesson here!” But what is the lesson?

Shadow Work: The Deep Dive

Shadow work is all about uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves—the fears, beliefs, and emotional wounds that shape our behavior (without our permission, might I add). So, let’s ask some hard but necessary questions:

• Are you drawn to partners who are easily influenced? (And why?)

• Do you feel a need to protect them? (Or is it about control?)

• Is your discomfort about them changing, or about you losing them?

• Is this intuition or a past wound showing up in disguise?

No judgment here—just exploration. Sometimes our gut is dead-on; other times, it’s carrying baggage from past hurts. Shadow work helps us tell the difference.

Control vs. Protection: A Fine Line

Wanting what’s best for someone and needing them to see things your way are two different things. I know, I know—it’s frustrating when you can see the train wreck before it happens. But stepping in to “help” can sometimes be a sneaky form of control, even if it comes from love.

Here’s a thought: What would happen if you didn’t intervene? What if you just… observed? What if you trusted that people will either align with you naturally or reveal that they aren’t meant to stay?

I know. That one stings a little.

So, How Do You Break the Cycle?

1. Notice the pattern – Not just in them, but in you. What’s the common denominator?

2. Detach from the outcome – People will be who they are, with or without your input.

3. Strengthen your own foundation – Build a life so solid that no one else’s shifts shake it.

4. Trust yourself, but question your triggers – Not every gut feeling is a warning. Some are echoes of old wounds.

Final Thoughts (Because This Is a Journey, Not a Quick Fix)

The goal here isn’t to shut off your intuition—it’s to fine-tune it. It’s to know when to step back, when to trust, and when to walk away. It’s about making peace with the fact that some people will change in ways that don’t align with you, and that’s okay. It’s also about trusting that the right people won’t require you to convince them of anything.

Shadow work isn’t easy, but neither is repeating the same painful cycle. So if the universe is offering you a lesson, maybe—just maybe—it’s time to take the class.

And if this all felt a little too real? Well. That’s where the real work begins.